The Wave

The wikipedia page for the wave features more than five persons or organizations claiming to have started it. This seems foolish. Now we know who you a-holes are...and that you want to take credit for it!

More than the sweaty drunk guy who feels the need to educate everyone in shouting range on exactly who "sucks."* More than the steadily depreciating quality of the giveaways.** More than the 16oz beer that costs as much as a seat in the bleachers.*** More than all of these things, the wave is the single greatest annoyance to a normal, non-ridiculous sporting event attendee.

Not only do I have to put all of my food on the ground and stand up, but you want me to raise my arms over my head and go "wooooo"? I'm sorry I thought we were adults. And that we were not on a roller coaster. Actually...I thought we were here TO WATCH AN F-ING BASEBALL GAME.

Originally, the "purpose" of the wave (if you can dignify it with such a thing), was to be a distraction to opposing pitchers. This has somehow gotten lost on the sophisticates who start the wave at critical pitching moments for home team. Nice work, morons.

*For the record, it's Barry
**If you try to give me a certificate that I have to redeem at Target, I will hurt you
***Where they don't serve beer, incidentally

Next up for Banishment...Saying "Bless You" re: a sneeze vs. Car Alarms