"Walk! Is that what you said, walk? I know that word! Hell...YES! I can't f-ing wait to take a walk! So many places I want to urinate! So many cars to chase until I choke myself on my own leash! So many dogs for me to bark at! Particularly those larger and scarier who could eat me for a snack if they weren't on leashes! I will taunt them! This is so exciting!Wait, what's that? You want me to get in there? That looks suspiciously like the thing you put me in to go to that old woman's house that smells like Ben Gay and cat litter. F that. I thought you said "walk." I even know "walk" when you spell it out "w-a-l-k." It's not an f-ing secret.
This is different. We are not in the car. We are outside! I can see everything I want to smell and lick but I am trapped in this mesh prison! I am so close but yet so far! Look a dog!
He is laughing at me! I am being laughed at by an f-ing Bichon Frise! Curses! What did I do to deserve this? I swear I didn't poop in the house! If you found something your stupid three-year-old probably did it. Don't you think he looks a little slow? I do! Take him for a walk in this stupid thing! Maybe the fresh air will wake up his one dormant brain cell!"
If your dog can walk, let it.
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3 comments:
I would also like to lump into this category the doggie style baby bjorns.
Can this be extended to include anything that one puts a dog in when the f**ker should be walking?
-Strollers
-Handbags
-Backpacks
-Carrying cases (except in case of transport in public, which had better be for a damn good reason. Airplanes I understand, but you don't need to bring the yippy little bastard onto the bus to go to the store)
Pennies. "Here is your change... Two dollars. Fifty five cents. And three wishes should you pass by a fountain or well."
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